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How to Achieve Competence and Create Confidence

July 20, 2018 / Oskar Cymerman

The following is a Letter to All Teens and Their Parents.

“Competence Creates Confidence”

I heard that somewhere and it got me thinking...

What is Competence exactly? How do you get it?

Think about something you are good at, maybe really good at. Maybe it’s a sport like soccer or basketball. Maybe it’s painting, sculpture, or another art form. Maybe you’re good at fixing stuff or cooking or gaming or have some other skill you feel competent in. How do you feel when you do stuff that requires you to use this skill?

Chances are whatever your mind conjured was positive. You feel good to do stuff you’re good at because you experience success in it. This motivates you to keep going. You keep doing it and as a result you keep getting better at it. You keep getting better because once you feel competent you have the confidence to try new things. You try new ways; new techniques and strategies. Some don’t help much but some lead to small improvements. Over time, this series of small improvements adds up to a big improvement which you likely don’t even notice because you enjoy doing this thing you’re good at so much.

Imagine school being this way. You might already be a good student but how would you feel knowing that no matter what subject you have to take you can crush it? How would you feel to have the confidence that you can understand difficult concepts, learn them fast, and actually remember them months later when it’s final exam time?

You see, there are 2 types of people in this world - those who fear change and let their anxieties paralyze them to keep them stuck and those who fear change but decide to face their anxieties and grow as individuals. The first type stays comfortable but average (or less than) while the second type of people succeeds at school, work, and life. The good news is that everyone has the potential to be successful.

No matter how good or ugly your school competence is you can get much better at school. And don’t worry - you won’t have to drink the weird Kool Aid to get there. All you have to do is follow the same process that took you to the level of competence and confidence you have in the other skills you’re good at. Except this time it won’t be trial-and-error. You will have small, easy, and specific strategies at your disposal.

You already have the “school skill.” It’s far from perfect but it’s a skill and as such it can be improved. The only way to improve it is to change how you approach school - learn and apply new learning techniques and study strategies - things that help you do school smarter, faster, and better.

You see, after overcoming the initial anxiety of trying something new you will realize that it’s the new experiences and new learning that lead to an upward spiral of success. As you get more comfortable doing things outside of your comfort zone, you end up learning even more, being more competent, and feeling much more confident. This is a result of the “happy” brain chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin your brain produces when you experience positive feelings such as joy, confidence, or feeling successful.

Once you accept and understand that fear-induced stress chemicals like cortisol and adrenaline are normal brain reactions to all things unknown, you will lessen their effect on your decision-making. They will no longer prevent you from venturing into the unknown. It will become easier to start making small changes to how you do school and other life things. Each small change will bring more competence and more confidence and reduce stress while increasing the happy chemicals. Keep at it and you will become more than a great student - you will turn into a learning machine - someone who learns and applies new things to make their life better every day.

So, you’ve reached a decision intersection. You can go straight, left, or turn right. Here’s what awaits you:

Straight: Do nothing. Keep complaining. Stay as you are. Complain some more.
Left: Try to change. Study more. Grind it out. Do somewhat better at school.
Right: Learn and apply skills that help you learn faster, study smarter, and remember more. Improve your learning skills in small, easy steps that make you a much better student and school much easier.

Decision Intersection: Which decision involves the most progress?

The Right decision involves Change, which involves Uncertainty, which involves Facing Your Fears. But, it helps you Achieve Competence which Creates Confidence.

But you already know that. It's time to choose who you want to be.

Good luck to you no matter what you decide.

And to Your Parents:

Being a dad I know how you feel about your children's success. If you're a bit like me you don't want to leave their success up to luck or school alone. This is why I wrote my new book Crush School Student Guide: Learn Faster, Study Smarter, Remember More, and Make School Easier, which is a workbook that contains a series of short, fun, and easy to follow lessons designed to incrementally turn a mediocre or good student into an advanced learner ready to crush the challenges of high school, college, and the world of work.

It is now 33% off regular price on Amazon. Just click here.

You have the power to change lives. Use it often so they can change the world.

Oskar

Hi! I'm Oskar.

I teach, write, speak, rant to make school better.

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categories / Learning
tags / focus, teaching teens, deeper learning, learning, teaching, smarter people, smart teams, lateral thinking

To Focus on What Truly Matters You Must Fight Predators and Choose the Right Opportunities

July 10, 2018 / Oskar Cymerman

The modern Homo Sapiens is in the fight of his life. The never-ending struggle occurs in his brain. As the modern brain battles the ancient part of it, the struggle manifests itself as a series of contradictory behaviors. On one hand, the Sapiens has the ability to learn an indefinable amount of information. On the other, he's often too distracted to learn much of anything.

Evolution has both allowed him and robbed him of the ability to carefully process information - to rethink, to reflect, and to reapply. As a result of this paradox, he often skims the learning surface. While the cerebrum (modern "rational" brain) has skyrocketed his potential, his progress is hindered by the amygdala (ancient "emotional" brain). His knowledge stalls. He's mired in mediocrity. No longer in tangible danger, he's escaping the conditioned anxieties. The distractions today's world affords him make it easy. And they are everywhere.

Why do so many people become part-time zombies, the classroom students and the everywhere adults, who upon leaving their dull desks and constraining cubicles glue their eyes to screens and allow their minds to be trapped in virtual, dopamine-inducing worlds that serve as fire escapes from the boring, painful, and otherwise unpleasant daily reality but keep them stuck in it long term?

The ancient brain has evolved to respond to two things: threats and rewards. The mere perception of a threat releases cortisol and adrenaline and we freeze, fight, or flight. When the brain detects reward possibilities or we're rewarded, it produces dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. This motivates us to keep doing what we're doing because we want to keep feeling the good feeling.

Back in the day, the rewards were food and the opportunity to procreate. The threats were the predators that tried to eat us and the natural we tried to hide from.

Enter the modern times - the technology and the entertainment. Our ancient brain responds to them as opportunities and they often are but the rewards they offer can be tricky.

While technology is cool, the entertainment industry is insidious, and our awareness rare. Fires are few and far in-between and most other prehistoric dangers the Sapiens faced have long been extinguished. Yet our split attention remains and make no mistake, the industry knows it and fights for it. And we succumb by continually allowing ourselves to be convinced we must keep running away.

The insidious, profit-mongering, and brilliant marketing campaigns and products of television producers, social media providers, app and game developers, and others work to keep us convinced they offer something much better than life itself. Consequently, we often let time pass unforgivably "taking the load off" from our busy work or school lives instead of spending it doing more meaningful things that improve our lives. Mediocrity perpetuated with the belief "this is all life is supposed to be."

And this is how the industry players want us. They want us coming back to them. The more automatic our behaviors the better, because if they lose our attention they lose. They can't profit.

While many online activities are worthwhile, we rarely think about how much time we spend participating in things that keep us stuck in the status quo we might otherwise work on changing. While there's nothing wrong with taking a mental break, as we should do things that relax our minds, we are being conditioned to identify work as the necessary evil to grind through from 9-5, so that we can have fun as a reward afterward.

We become dabblers. We just dabble in things. We're too distracted to commit. The predators changed and so did the opportunities but they're ever-present. They keep our minds occupied. If we don't pay attention we end up doing a lot of things that entertain us in the moment but add little lasting value to our lives.

We can spend our lives sitting on a couch looking at a screen doing little more than nothing or we can spend that time interacting with the world we live in, learning about it and ourselves, and filling our lives with meaning. The only way to flip that switch is by becoming aware and taking action.

Our kids are the most vulnerable ones. But zero tolerance electronics policies are not the way because the brain wants what it cannot have even more. The forbidden fruit tastes sweeter.

So we don't take away but educate. We lead by example. We show our kids that there's a better way. We limit our use and their use of the devices and actively participate in their lives. We do stuff with them because we love them. Then, we cross our fingers and hope they see the way for themselves.

On the places they'll go.

I think they will. I believe they can.

You have the power to change lives. Use if often so they can change the world.

Oskar

Sign up below to receive more articles and graphics on effective learning and building skills. It's completely free and with no strings attached.

And if you're looking for some success tools check out my books on Amazon.

Hi, I'm Oskar. I teach and write about learning for success.

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categories / Life Reflections
tags / teaching teens, deeper learning, learning, teaching, deep work, productivity

More Open-Minded in 3 Steps: Examine, Exercise, Experience

July 02, 2018 / Oskar Cymerman

Doesn't it drive you nuts when someone just gets stuck in their way of doing something and wants nothing to do with a new, often better approach?

A child who refuses to try that healthy meal defaulting to chicken nuggets and french fries. A partner who won't take you up on your offer to go to the theater, because he says he hates musicals. A coworker who will not give the new faster approach a chance because she has been doing it the old way for 12 years and she's content. The list goes on.

You could call it being conservative or narrow-minded or close-minded but there's a reason ALL OF US are (at least sometimes) this way. I will get more into Why We Resist Change in a future post but it's important to mention that it's natural.

We are wired to resist change because our brain has evolved to protect itself and our body. Because conscious thought requires more energy, our basal ganglia, the part of the brain that controls habits and routines, creates neural networks that automate certain behaviors so they can be done unconsciously, freeing up mental capacity to perform the actions we're aware of.

We can develop new habits but it's hard. And once we do, unlearning and replacing existing habits is difficult as well. In a way, each time we try to change routines we are fighting our own nature.

However, natural isn't always beneficial. If we always stay as we are now and never take risks, opportunities to learn and improve our lives and impact those of others will pass us by. Thus, it is important to develop and practice our open-mindedness.

I recently watched the TEDxHaarlem Talk by Ricardo Lieuw On How to triple your memory by using this trick, which inspired me to think about my own open-mindedness and how I can help my son and my students practice it.

Turns out, we all can help our kids practice being more open-minded. If we treat it as a skill, we can become more open-minded ourselves.

It's important to mention that all of us are quite open to trying new things in some personal and professional arenas and not so receptive to trying new approaches in other realms of life.

No one is always close-minded or always open-minded but all of us can benefit from becoming more open to new experiences, approaches, and possibilities.

I created the infographic below for my new book Crush School Student Guide: Your Fun, Fast, and Easy Journey to Becoming a Smarter Student which is a series of lessons and activities designed for teens to learn how to learn more effectively scheduled to be published on Amazon on July 27th. The graphic uses a 3-step approach to practicing open-mindedness in any situation.

It entails consciously Examining our thoughts, behaviors, routines, and habits.

It calls for Exercising our minds in observing and considering new ways and approaches.

It requires Experiencing new things and applying new methods to our situations.

More Open-Minded in 3 Steps: Examine, Exercise, Experience

You can grab a printable PDF poster of the above infographic here if you'd like to use it in your home, office, or classroom as a reminder to practice open-mindedness.

Though dictionaries and thesauruses might say otherwise, creativity and narrow-mindedness are antonyms. You can't innovate without an open mind.

Luckily, practicing being more open-minded is possible with awareness - bringing the unconscious to the conscious - and then taking action. It's a skill we can teach our kids. And then they can... who knows?

You have the power to change lives. Use it often so they can change the world.

Sign up below to receive more articles and graphics on effective learning and building skills. It's completely free and with no strings attached.

And if you're looking for some success tools check out my books on Amazon.

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categories / Learning
tags / teaching teens, deeper learning, learning, teaching, open-minded, innovation, creativity, increasing creativity, problem solving, diversity