Filtering by Tag: focus

How to Achieve Competence and Create Confidence

July 20, 2018 / Oskar Cymerman

The following is a Letter to All Teens and Their Parents.

“Competence Creates Confidence”

I heard that somewhere and it got me thinking...

What is Competence exactly? How do you get it?

Think about something you are good at, maybe really good at. Maybe it’s a sport like soccer or basketball. Maybe it’s painting, sculpture, or another art form. Maybe you’re good at fixing stuff or cooking or gaming or have some other skill you feel competent in. How do you feel when you do stuff that requires you to use this skill?

Chances are whatever your mind conjured was positive. You feel good to do stuff you’re good at because you experience success in it. This motivates you to keep going. You keep doing it and as a result you keep getting better at it. You keep getting better because once you feel competent you have the confidence to try new things. You try new ways; new techniques and strategies. Some don’t help much but some lead to small improvements. Over time, this series of small improvements adds up to a big improvement which you likely don’t even notice because you enjoy doing this thing you’re good at so much.

Imagine school being this way. You might already be a good student but how would you feel knowing that no matter what subject you have to take you can crush it? How would you feel to have the confidence that you can understand difficult concepts, learn them fast, and actually remember them months later when it’s final exam time?

You see, there are 2 types of people in this world - those who fear change and let their anxieties paralyze them to keep them stuck and those who fear change but decide to face their anxieties and grow as individuals. The first type stays comfortable but average (or less than) while the second type of people succeeds at school, work, and life. The good news is that everyone has the potential to be successful.

No matter how good or ugly your school competence is you can get much better at school. And don’t worry - you won’t have to drink the weird Kool Aid to get there. All you have to do is follow the same process that took you to the level of competence and confidence you have in the other skills you’re good at. Except this time it won’t be trial-and-error. You will have small, easy, and specific strategies at your disposal.

You already have the “school skill.” It’s far from perfect but it’s a skill and as such it can be improved. The only way to improve it is to change how you approach school - learn and apply new learning techniques and study strategies - things that help you do school smarter, faster, and better.

You see, after overcoming the initial anxiety of trying something new you will realize that it’s the new experiences and new learning that lead to an upward spiral of success. As you get more comfortable doing things outside of your comfort zone, you end up learning even more, being more competent, and feeling much more confident. This is a result of the “happy” brain chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin your brain produces when you experience positive feelings such as joy, confidence, or feeling successful.

Once you accept and understand that fear-induced stress chemicals like cortisol and adrenaline are normal brain reactions to all things unknown, you will lessen their effect on your decision-making. They will no longer prevent you from venturing into the unknown. It will become easier to start making small changes to how you do school and other life things. Each small change will bring more competence and more confidence and reduce stress while increasing the happy chemicals. Keep at it and you will become more than a great student - you will turn into a learning machine - someone who learns and applies new things to make their life better every day.

So, you’ve reached a decision intersection. You can go straight, left, or turn right. Here’s what awaits you:

Straight: Do nothing. Keep complaining. Stay as you are. Complain some more.
Left: Try to change. Study more. Grind it out. Do somewhat better at school.
Right: Learn and apply skills that help you learn faster, study smarter, and remember more. Improve your learning skills in small, easy steps that make you a much better student and school much easier.

Decision Intersection: Which decision involves the most progress?

The Right decision involves Change, which involves Uncertainty, which involves Facing Your Fears. But, it helps you Achieve Competence which Creates Confidence.

But you already know that. It's time to choose who you want to be.

Good luck to you no matter what you decide.

And to Your Parents:

Being a dad I know how you feel about your children's success. If you're a bit like me you don't want to leave their success up to luck or school alone. This is why I wrote my new book Crush School Student Guide: Learn Faster, Study Smarter, Remember More, and Make School Easier, which is a workbook that contains a series of short, fun, and easy to follow lessons designed to incrementally turn a mediocre or good student into an advanced learner ready to crush the challenges of high school, college, and the world of work.

It is now 33% off regular price on Amazon. Just click here.

You have the power to change lives. Use it often so they can change the world.

Oskar

Hi! I'm Oskar.

I teach, write, speak, rant to make school better.

BOOKS & TOOLS

Buy on Amazon

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categories / Learning
tags / focus, teaching teens, deeper learning, learning, teaching, smarter people, smart teams, lateral thinking

Learn Faster, Study Smarter, and Remember More

July 14, 2018 / Oskar Cymerman

"Learning is a marathon not a race," they say but is this statement true? On one hand, cramming is a "rushed" method that doesn't work. On the other, learning things quickly and applying them effectively is highly sought after by employers.

We live in a world full of paradoxes. And, education isn't immune to them. Because schools emphasize tests and grades not learning, and by learning I mean deep understanding, effective application, and long-term memory of concepts, the best students cram, get good grades, and forget. They did it quickly, but what is it? Can you call it learning if it's quickly forgotten? If you can't use it in the future, are you learning or merely wasting time?

While grades are important and get students into good colleges, they don't guarantee college or future job success. In fact, the latest college completion data shows only 54.8% of students graduate with a 4-year degree in 6 years or fewer. But if they're able to get into colleges, then why do over 45% of students fail and end up with exorbitant tuition bills with nothing to show for them?

We all know the answer to this. While some students cannot afford to continue, many simply don't have the skills to perform well at the university level and it's not their fault!

They wanted to go to college!

They wanted to succeed!

They didn't...

But they could have if they had the skills. If only they knew and could use effective learning strategies.

Check out the one below. Look how common sense it is!

Yet, most students don't use it. They don't know it.

Learn Faster, Study Smarter, and Remember More with The 4R Approach

While steps 1 and 2 (Receive and Record) happen in the classroom, students are frequently left to their own devices when it comes to memory consolidation, which steps 3 and 4 (Reflect and Recreate) lead to. A student who has the understanding, the time, and the discipline to these things at home is likely to learn (understand, remember, and be able to apply) the information.

Problem is, even at the high school level many students do not realize they should review and use the information immediately after they receive it. They don't know because classes are built and teachers trained to deliver information not to help students learn it.

Of course every teacher wants all their students to learn! But, school curricula are written to deliver massive amounts of content, leaving little room for teaching skills and learning how to learn.

However, any student who understands how her brain learns can make strategic decisions about her learning. If she has skills and knows effective learning strategies, she can use them to learn faster and smarter. She can improve her working and long-term memory. But chances are, she must acquire many of these skills on her own. Or, she might get lucky...

But if you're like me, you don't want to leave your kids' success up to luck or school alone. I want my son to do well in school and life but as schools are now, they mostly focus on teaching subjects not transferable skills.

The good news is the neuroscience developments of the last decade have allowed scientists to identify how the brain learns best, and all you have to do is apply these realizations and methods that support them to learning. But again, schools teach only a few of these skills.

There are many books on the market on learning how to learn, accelerated learning, memory training, and doing better at school.

Many contain useful information but I have not found one that isn't descriptive.

Most, just tell you what to do to get better.

The better books give you examples.

None of them have students practice what they preach in the book.

They don't contain exercises that have students apply the information, which is ironically how we learn best and that is why most of the information the students read is forgotten and never used.

A perfect example of this is to think about a book you read, say... 1 month ago. How much do you remember from it? How much can you use right now?

If you don't open it back up, chances are you remember a few things well and only vaguely remember a few others. The rest of the information, which is most of it, never made it into your long-term memory. This is because your brain did not evolve to remember it in such a way...

And this is why I created my new book Crush School Student Guide: Learn Faster, Study Smarter, Remember More, and Make School Easier, to be a workbook that contains a series of short, fun, and easy to follow lessons designed to incrementally turn a mediocre or good student into an advanced learner ready to crush the challenges of high school, college, and the world of work.

It is now available on Amazon for pre-order. Just click here.

Before you make your mind up, consider this:

The book contains well over 60 strategies and tips anyone can use to learn faster and smarter and train their memory.
In the book, I don't just tell students to "read and apply." Rather, I built the book to be a Learning How to Learn Course.
Any student can use the Crush School Student Guide at home or the book can be used by teachers as a series of lessons done in class.

But don't worry, if you're not ready to spend $29.95 on the paperback, you can check out the Kindle version at low risk for $3.45 only. It's easy as 1,2,3 by clicking here.

You have the power to change lives. Use it often so they can change the world.

Oskar

Hi! I'm Oskar.

I teach, write, speak, rant to make learning better.

BOOKS & TOOLS

Buy on Amazon

BLOG ARCHIVE:

Buy on Amazon

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categories / Learning
tags / focus, productivity, teaching teens, parenting teens, brain, sharpness, clarity, brain rules, neuroscience

3 Things Parents and Teachers Can Do Better to Help Teens Succeed

June 27, 2018 / Oskar Cymerman

“Conscious parenting is not about being perfect, it’s about being aware. Aware of what your kids need from you to reach more of their full potential.”

— Alex Urbina

Parents look to teachers to help their kids make sense of the world and use information in beneficial ways. But a parent's role is similar. We don't just take care of our kids - we want them to be happy and we want them to succeed in school, work, and life.

I often think about the things I want for my 4-and-a-half-year-old son. Most of all, I hope he lives a fulfilling life - a life in which he seeks the opportunities and has the skills and drive to pursue the dreams he dreams up. I want him to develop concern and care for our planet. I want him to be mindful and compassionate. And just as every parent, I want him to be happy.

And though I am happy with his preschool, for a version of the future I envision for Adam to take place, my wife and I have to take on a more active role in his education and try to fill in the gaps of the present day school system. Those gaps are mainly a result of how the Made in the Industrial Era schools teach and what they don't teach.

And while I'll continue to push the educational system I am a part of to change to fit the times we live in, I realize that the change is not happening fast enough. It is up to me then, to help my son learn the skills he needs to live a good life - skills that are common sense but not common practice in school.

Adam spends 8-9 hours a day at his preschool and I trust his teachers to help him figure things out and give him plentiful opportunities to learn. They are good people and care for Adam. He's happy there and my wife and I are happy he's there.

But guess what, Adam messes up sometimes. He'll play with his food or spill his "monkey yogurt" on purpose sometimes. Then he'll get a time-out. And time-outs don't work - they're punitive measures that isolate children after they misbehave but rarely work to modify future behavior. We struggle with similar behaviors at home too. This kid has boundless energy - the Energizer bunny runs out of juice long before Adam is ready for a break! So, my wife and I had to find a different way.

I'll tell you what the imperfect-but-good solution we're seeing progress with is at the end but now let's focus on how we can apply the business world ideas Charles Duhigg describes in his book Smarter, Faster, Better in helping our kids do better at school.

Increasing Motivation

One of the best ways to increase an employee's level of motivation is to empower him with a sense of responsibility and control. In a neuropsychology study Duhigg mentions in his book, brain centers associated with motivation consistently "lit up" during brain scans when subject were given choice rather than just told what to do.

In schools, teachers complain of students lacking motivation. If choice helps motivation it seems plausible to give students more choice in school. Too often high school teachers rule with an iron fist and feel like they're doing something special when they relinquish some of this control and let kids make choices. We over-control and predetermine our teens lives and then wonder where it all went wrong.

Consider the "normal." Normally, teachers, and often parents tell students what to do and how to do it. Then we say they need to be responsible and make the right choices. But the truth is we've already made most choices for them and we expect blind compliance.

Years of school conditioning have desensitized some kids from school and it may be a tough road back to motivation but we must start somewhere. While we might not see immediate results, we are sending a message to our teen students that they are responsible for making their own decisions now. Sure they will screw up but if we raise good people they'll eventually get it right. And, they will learn more in the process.

So here's the deal: To be motivated, kids need to think for themselves and feel their life is made of the choices they, not someone else made. It is up to us, the adults in their lives, to teach them right from wrong and then trust that our teens will make the best choices. These choices cannot be isolated, "benevolent" events bestowed on teens by elders either. Rather, teens especially must be empowered to make and live with their choices daily - the more the better. The days of helicoptering must end.

Personal Empowerment

In Smarter Faster Better, Duhigg discusses how company culture affects it's workers well-being and performance. One people management model, Commitment culture stands above the rest. It focuses on building a culture that puts people first. This might slow the company's initial growth, but leads to long-term benefits. In the commitment culture model, employees become committed to the company - they tend to stay on because they're trusted to make important decisions, they feel valued and respected, they have more paid leave, and they are given other generous growth opportunities.

A study by Baron and Hannan of Stanford found companies that valued their employees (and customers) above profit were the fastest to go public, were most efficient and profitable in the long run, and had the ability to predict and respond to market shifts. The commitment model outperformed all other management styles in almost every meaningful category (Duhigg 149).

Turns out empowering people with trust and choice and investing in their well-being not only motivates them but leads to their and the organization's success as well. There is no reason each household or each classroom cannot become such a place.

This again calls for parents and teachers giving up (at least some) control and giving teens the tools needed to make their own decisions. We're not talking anarchy but the type of education that empowers our soon-to-be-adults to think for themselves; perhaps the type we often shy away from.

Honesty is a good approach. Let's talk about our own biggest and baddest and most embarrassing teen screw ups so someone else can learn from them. Rather than fearing our children will do as we did, let's paint a complete picture of what we were thinking then and the painful consequences our thinking and actions led to. Let's trust and see and believe because prevention and prohibition and other fear-based measures don't work at work and even less at school or home. Forbidden fruit always tastes better.

Generosity - the right type of it - can make all the difference. Sharing power is generous but often hard. We fear they will take it the wrong way and make the wrong decisions. And sometimes they will but that's how they learn best. But it can be done with subtlety too. We can be more flexible and thoughtful in how we communicate and approach our teens. Just because we do things a certain way doesn't mean it's the right way. Maybe there's another right way or multiple ways to get to the same place or result we're not seeing? Let's ask and really listen.

Parents and teachers can ask for and apply the suggestions our teens give us. We might get anxious as they push us out of our comfort zones and into the unknown. But the kids won't be the only ones who grow from this. Sure, we're investing in them, but we also see at work the universal law of the more you give the more you receive and we grow ourselves.

Being Part of the Team

It's funny how you can write hundreds of words about one thing without realizing or even naming it. Feeling safe, valued, respected, and cared about are the necessary ingredients to effective teamwork.

Writing about effective teams, Duhigg names "willingly giving a measure of control to their teammates (p. 70)" as the ultimate team norm. But the author also recognizes that strategy only works when people trust and feel safe with each other.

I often catch myself pushing my 4-and-a-half-year-old toward a decision to expedite it but that's wrong. Of course he's too young to think rationally all the time! And I'm too old not to and yet doing the above - pressuring, trying to speed up Adam's thinking - is irrational. I've gotten better at it, but just last morning, in the morning rush out of the door I let my anxiety-induced impatience take over and I put my son's feelings second to things that matter less.

How often do we get annoyed and lack patience with our kids? It's part of the parent condition, so let's not beat ourselves up. We do the best we can in the moment and we can choose to reflect and learn and do better next time. We can continue making the home team better.

Same goes for the classroom team. We can evolve together by teaching collaboration and communication explicitly rather than leaving it up to chance. Rather than hide from conflicts pretending nothing happened, we can normalize dealing with them in the open. We can give our students voice and genuinely listen and respond and ask questions and react with care. We can help everyone belong. It takes time - yes, time away from english, math, or science - but if we build it they will come, right?

The Path

Today, Adam earned tally marks 9 and 10. My wife and I started a simple behavior chart - an idea borrowed from neighbors who have 2 boys - a chart that focuses on positive behavior only. Each time Adam does something pretty great (and he's pretty great all the time) like resolve a conflict with words instead of hitting or kicking or plays well with friends or listens to his preschool teachers, he can draw a tally mark on the big sheet of paper we taped to out fridge. Once he has 10 tally marks he gets to pick something special he can do with mom or dad such as ice cream.

Today, he picked ice cream. Chocolate. His favorite. I'm taking him after school. He can't wait. Me neither.

I'm sure there are experts out there who would disagree with our approach but we're just a work in progress. We do our best. If we say "because we say so" when we get annoyed, we find the capacity to try something else and learn to do it better the next time. When we need to, we apologize and look for a new path.

I think it's important to keep reminding ourselves that there are many paths - maybe an infinite number of them, many yet to be discovered - and to keep looking for them.

Perhaps Duhigg did not intend this, but a path can be drawn from Empowerment (Choice and Trust) to Motivation to Commitment to Effective Collaboration, Communication, and Success. And those are skills anyone can use anywhere.

Duhigg did not intend to write Smarter Faster Better for teens or compare teens to 4-and-a-half-year-olds. That's all me. But it doesn't matter if the human being is 4, 14, or 40 because anyone can choose to walk a different path tomorrow. A new path. Perhaps a smarter one but hopefully one a little better than today. We just have to draw it in our mind.

Draw the path. Then show it to your kids. But don't make them walk it. That won't work. Show them how you walked it first. Then, help the walk their own.

You have the power to change lives. Use it often so they can change the world.

Last week, I wrote this post on using lateral thinking to grow people and organizations inspires by Shane Snow's book Smartcuts. I also told you a story to which the lateral thinking answer is: You give the car keys to the friend who's helped you out in the past and brave the rain with the woman (or man) of you dreams.

Hi! I'm Oskar.

I teach, write, speak, rant to make the world better.

BOOKS & TOOLS

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CONTACT ME

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categories / Learning, Parenting
tags / focus, productivity, teaching teens, parenting teens, brain, sharpness, clarity, brain rules, neuroscience