To Focus on What Truly Matters You Must Fight Predators and Choose the Right Opportunities

July 10, 2018 / Oskar Cymerman

The modern Homo Sapiens is in the fight of his life. The never-ending struggle occurs in his brain. As the modern brain battles the ancient part of it, the struggle manifests itself as a series of contradictory behaviors. On one hand, the Sapiens has the ability to learn an indefinable amount of information. On the other, he's often too distracted to learn much of anything.

Evolution has both allowed him and robbed him of the ability to carefully process information - to rethink, to reflect, and to reapply. As a result of this paradox, he often skims the learning surface. While the cerebrum (modern "rational" brain) has skyrocketed his potential, his progress is hindered by the amygdala (ancient "emotional" brain). His knowledge stalls. He's mired in mediocrity. No longer in tangible danger, he's escaping the conditioned anxieties. The distractions today's world affords him make it easy. And they are everywhere.

Why do so many people become part-time zombies, the classroom students and the everywhere adults, who upon leaving their dull desks and constraining cubicles glue their eyes to screens and allow their minds to be trapped in virtual, dopamine-inducing worlds that serve as fire escapes from the boring, painful, and otherwise unpleasant daily reality but keep them stuck in it long term?

The ancient brain has evolved to respond to two things: threats and rewards. The mere perception of a threat releases cortisol and adrenaline and we freeze, fight, or flight. When the brain detects reward possibilities or we're rewarded, it produces dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. This motivates us to keep doing what we're doing because we want to keep feeling the good feeling.

Back in the day, the rewards were food and the opportunity to procreate. The threats were the predators that tried to eat us and the natural we tried to hide from.

Enter the modern times - the technology and the entertainment. Our ancient brain responds to them as opportunities and they often are but the rewards they offer can be tricky.

While technology is cool, the entertainment industry is insidious, and our awareness rare. Fires are few and far in-between and most other prehistoric dangers the Sapiens faced have long been extinguished. Yet our split attention remains and make no mistake, the industry knows it and fights for it. And we succumb by continually allowing ourselves to be convinced we must keep running away.

The insidious, profit-mongering, and brilliant marketing campaigns and products of television producers, social media providers, app and game developers, and others work to keep us convinced they offer something much better than life itself. Consequently, we often let time pass unforgivably "taking the load off" from our busy work or school lives instead of spending it doing more meaningful things that improve our lives. Mediocrity perpetuated with the belief "this is all life is supposed to be."

And this is how the industry players want us. They want us coming back to them. The more automatic our behaviors the better, because if they lose our attention they lose. They can't profit.

While many online activities are worthwhile, we rarely think about how much time we spend participating in things that keep us stuck in the status quo we might otherwise work on changing. While there's nothing wrong with taking a mental break, as we should do things that relax our minds, we are being conditioned to identify work as the necessary evil to grind through from 9-5, so that we can have fun as a reward afterward.

We become dabblers. We just dabble in things. We're too distracted to commit. The predators changed and so did the opportunities but they're ever-present. They keep our minds occupied. If we don't pay attention we end up doing a lot of things that entertain us in the moment but add little lasting value to our lives.

We can spend our lives sitting on a couch looking at a screen doing little more than nothing or we can spend that time interacting with the world we live in, learning about it and ourselves, and filling our lives with meaning. The only way to flip that switch is by becoming aware and taking action.

Our kids are the most vulnerable ones. But zero tolerance electronics policies are not the way because the brain wants what it cannot have even more. The forbidden fruit tastes sweeter.

So we don't take away but educate. We lead by example. We show our kids that there's a better way. We limit our use and their use of the devices and actively participate in their lives. We do stuff with them because we love them. Then, we cross our fingers and hope they see the way for themselves.

On the places they'll go.

I think they will. I believe they can.

You have the power to change lives. Use if often so they can change the world.

Oskar

Sign up below to receive more articles and graphics on effective learning and building skills. It's completely free and with no strings attached.

And if you're looking for some success tools check out my books on Amazon.

Hi, I'm Oskar. I teach and write about learning for success.

BLOG ARCHIVE

Comment 0 Likes

categories / Life Reflections
tags / teaching teens, deeper learning, learning, teaching, deep work, productivity

More Open-Minded in 3 Steps: Examine, Exercise, Experience

July 02, 2018 / Oskar Cymerman

Doesn't it drive you nuts when someone just gets stuck in their way of doing something and wants nothing to do with a new, often better approach?

A child who refuses to try that healthy meal defaulting to chicken nuggets and french fries. A partner who won't take you up on your offer to go to the theater, because he says he hates musicals. A coworker who will not give the new faster approach a chance because she has been doing it the old way for 12 years and she's content. The list goes on.

You could call it being conservative or narrow-minded or close-minded but there's a reason ALL OF US are (at least sometimes) this way. I will get more into Why We Resist Change in a future post but it's important to mention that it's natural.

We are wired to resist change because our brain has evolved to protect itself and our body. Because conscious thought requires more energy, our basal ganglia, the part of the brain that controls habits and routines, creates neural networks that automate certain behaviors so they can be done unconsciously, freeing up mental capacity to perform the actions we're aware of.

We can develop new habits but it's hard. And once we do, unlearning and replacing existing habits is difficult as well. In a way, each time we try to change routines we are fighting our own nature.

However, natural isn't always beneficial. If we always stay as we are now and never take risks, opportunities to learn and improve our lives and impact those of others will pass us by. Thus, it is important to develop and practice our open-mindedness.

I recently watched the TEDxHaarlem Talk by Ricardo Lieuw On How to triple your memory by using this trick, which inspired me to think about my own open-mindedness and how I can help my son and my students practice it.

Turns out, we all can help our kids practice being more open-minded. If we treat it as a skill, we can become more open-minded ourselves.

It's important to mention that all of us are quite open to trying new things in some personal and professional arenas and not so receptive to trying new approaches in other realms of life.

No one is always close-minded or always open-minded but all of us can benefit from becoming more open to new experiences, approaches, and possibilities.

I created the infographic below for my new book Crush School Student Guide: Your Fun, Fast, and Easy Journey to Becoming a Smarter Student which is a series of lessons and activities designed for teens to learn how to learn more effectively scheduled to be published on Amazon on July 27th. The graphic uses a 3-step approach to practicing open-mindedness in any situation.

It entails consciously Examining our thoughts, behaviors, routines, and habits.

It calls for Exercising our minds in observing and considering new ways and approaches.

It requires Experiencing new things and applying new methods to our situations.

More Open-Minded in 3 Steps: Examine, Exercise, Experience

You can grab a printable PDF poster of the above infographic here if you'd like to use it in your home, office, or classroom as a reminder to practice open-mindedness.

Though dictionaries and thesauruses might say otherwise, creativity and narrow-mindedness are antonyms. You can't innovate without an open mind.

Luckily, practicing being more open-minded is possible with awareness - bringing the unconscious to the conscious - and then taking action. It's a skill we can teach our kids. And then they can... who knows?

You have the power to change lives. Use it often so they can change the world.

Sign up below to receive more articles and graphics on effective learning and building skills. It's completely free and with no strings attached.

And if you're looking for some success tools check out my books on Amazon.

BLOG ARCHIVE

Comment 0 Likes

categories / Learning
tags / teaching teens, deeper learning, learning, teaching, open-minded, innovation, creativity, increasing creativity, problem solving, diversity

3 Things Parents and Teachers Can Do Better to Help Teens Succeed

June 27, 2018 / Oskar Cymerman

“Conscious parenting is not about being perfect, it’s about being aware. Aware of what your kids need from you to reach more of their full potential.”

— Alex Urbina

Parents look to teachers to help their kids make sense of the world and use information in beneficial ways. But a parent's role is similar. We don't just take care of our kids - we want them to be happy and we want them to succeed in school, work, and life.

I often think about the things I want for my 4-and-a-half-year-old son. Most of all, I hope he lives a fulfilling life - a life in which he seeks the opportunities and has the skills and drive to pursue the dreams he dreams up. I want him to develop concern and care for our planet. I want him to be mindful and compassionate. And just as every parent, I want him to be happy.

And though I am happy with his preschool, for a version of the future I envision for Adam to take place, my wife and I have to take on a more active role in his education and try to fill in the gaps of the present day school system. Those gaps are mainly a result of how the Made in the Industrial Era schools teach and what they don't teach.

And while I'll continue to push the educational system I am a part of to change to fit the times we live in, I realize that the change is not happening fast enough. It is up to me then, to help my son learn the skills he needs to live a good life - skills that are common sense but not common practice in school.

Adam spends 8-9 hours a day at his preschool and I trust his teachers to help him figure things out and give him plentiful opportunities to learn. They are good people and care for Adam. He's happy there and my wife and I are happy he's there.

But guess what, Adam messes up sometimes. He'll play with his food or spill his "monkey yogurt" on purpose sometimes. Then he'll get a time-out. And time-outs don't work - they're punitive measures that isolate children after they misbehave but rarely work to modify future behavior. We struggle with similar behaviors at home too. This kid has boundless energy - the Energizer bunny runs out of juice long before Adam is ready for a break! So, my wife and I had to find a different way.

I'll tell you what the imperfect-but-good solution we're seeing progress with is at the end but now let's focus on how we can apply the business world ideas Charles Duhigg describes in his book Smarter, Faster, Better in helping our kids do better at school.

Increasing Motivation

One of the best ways to increase an employee's level of motivation is to empower him with a sense of responsibility and control. In a neuropsychology study Duhigg mentions in his book, brain centers associated with motivation consistently "lit up" during brain scans when subject were given choice rather than just told what to do.

In schools, teachers complain of students lacking motivation. If choice helps motivation it seems plausible to give students more choice in school. Too often high school teachers rule with an iron fist and feel like they're doing something special when they relinquish some of this control and let kids make choices. We over-control and predetermine our teens lives and then wonder where it all went wrong.

Consider the "normal." Normally, teachers, and often parents tell students what to do and how to do it. Then we say they need to be responsible and make the right choices. But the truth is we've already made most choices for them and we expect blind compliance.

Years of school conditioning have desensitized some kids from school and it may be a tough road back to motivation but we must start somewhere. While we might not see immediate results, we are sending a message to our teen students that they are responsible for making their own decisions now. Sure they will screw up but if we raise good people they'll eventually get it right. And, they will learn more in the process.

So here's the deal: To be motivated, kids need to think for themselves and feel their life is made of the choices they, not someone else made. It is up to us, the adults in their lives, to teach them right from wrong and then trust that our teens will make the best choices. These choices cannot be isolated, "benevolent" events bestowed on teens by elders either. Rather, teens especially must be empowered to make and live with their choices daily - the more the better. The days of helicoptering must end.

Personal Empowerment

In Smarter Faster Better, Duhigg discusses how company culture affects it's workers well-being and performance. One people management model, Commitment culture stands above the rest. It focuses on building a culture that puts people first. This might slow the company's initial growth, but leads to long-term benefits. In the commitment culture model, employees become committed to the company - they tend to stay on because they're trusted to make important decisions, they feel valued and respected, they have more paid leave, and they are given other generous growth opportunities.

A study by Baron and Hannan of Stanford found companies that valued their employees (and customers) above profit were the fastest to go public, were most efficient and profitable in the long run, and had the ability to predict and respond to market shifts. The commitment model outperformed all other management styles in almost every meaningful category (Duhigg 149).

Turns out empowering people with trust and choice and investing in their well-being not only motivates them but leads to their and the organization's success as well. There is no reason each household or each classroom cannot become such a place.

This again calls for parents and teachers giving up (at least some) control and giving teens the tools needed to make their own decisions. We're not talking anarchy but the type of education that empowers our soon-to-be-adults to think for themselves; perhaps the type we often shy away from.

Honesty is a good approach. Let's talk about our own biggest and baddest and most embarrassing teen screw ups so someone else can learn from them. Rather than fearing our children will do as we did, let's paint a complete picture of what we were thinking then and the painful consequences our thinking and actions led to. Let's trust and see and believe because prevention and prohibition and other fear-based measures don't work at work and even less at school or home. Forbidden fruit always tastes better.

Generosity - the right type of it - can make all the difference. Sharing power is generous but often hard. We fear they will take it the wrong way and make the wrong decisions. And sometimes they will but that's how they learn best. But it can be done with subtlety too. We can be more flexible and thoughtful in how we communicate and approach our teens. Just because we do things a certain way doesn't mean it's the right way. Maybe there's another right way or multiple ways to get to the same place or result we're not seeing? Let's ask and really listen.

Parents and teachers can ask for and apply the suggestions our teens give us. We might get anxious as they push us out of our comfort zones and into the unknown. But the kids won't be the only ones who grow from this. Sure, we're investing in them, but we also see at work the universal law of the more you give the more you receive and we grow ourselves.

Being Part of the Team

It's funny how you can write hundreds of words about one thing without realizing or even naming it. Feeling safe, valued, respected, and cared about are the necessary ingredients to effective teamwork.

Writing about effective teams, Duhigg names "willingly giving a measure of control to their teammates (p. 70)" as the ultimate team norm. But the author also recognizes that strategy only works when people trust and feel safe with each other.

I often catch myself pushing my 4-and-a-half-year-old toward a decision to expedite it but that's wrong. Of course he's too young to think rationally all the time! And I'm too old not to and yet doing the above - pressuring, trying to speed up Adam's thinking - is irrational. I've gotten better at it, but just last morning, in the morning rush out of the door I let my anxiety-induced impatience take over and I put my son's feelings second to things that matter less.

How often do we get annoyed and lack patience with our kids? It's part of the parent condition, so let's not beat ourselves up. We do the best we can in the moment and we can choose to reflect and learn and do better next time. We can continue making the home team better.

Same goes for the classroom team. We can evolve together by teaching collaboration and communication explicitly rather than leaving it up to chance. Rather than hide from conflicts pretending nothing happened, we can normalize dealing with them in the open. We can give our students voice and genuinely listen and respond and ask questions and react with care. We can help everyone belong. It takes time - yes, time away from english, math, or science - but if we build it they will come, right?

The Path

Today, Adam earned tally marks 9 and 10. My wife and I started a simple behavior chart - an idea borrowed from neighbors who have 2 boys - a chart that focuses on positive behavior only. Each time Adam does something pretty great (and he's pretty great all the time) like resolve a conflict with words instead of hitting or kicking or plays well with friends or listens to his preschool teachers, he can draw a tally mark on the big sheet of paper we taped to out fridge. Once he has 10 tally marks he gets to pick something special he can do with mom or dad such as ice cream.

Today, he picked ice cream. Chocolate. His favorite. I'm taking him after school. He can't wait. Me neither.

I'm sure there are experts out there who would disagree with our approach but we're just a work in progress. We do our best. If we say "because we say so" when we get annoyed, we find the capacity to try something else and learn to do it better the next time. When we need to, we apologize and look for a new path.

I think it's important to keep reminding ourselves that there are many paths - maybe an infinite number of them, many yet to be discovered - and to keep looking for them.

Perhaps Duhigg did not intend this, but a path can be drawn from Empowerment (Choice and Trust) to Motivation to Commitment to Effective Collaboration, Communication, and Success. And those are skills anyone can use anywhere.

Duhigg did not intend to write Smarter Faster Better for teens or compare teens to 4-and-a-half-year-olds. That's all me. But it doesn't matter if the human being is 4, 14, or 40 because anyone can choose to walk a different path tomorrow. A new path. Perhaps a smarter one but hopefully one a little better than today. We just have to draw it in our mind.

Draw the path. Then show it to your kids. But don't make them walk it. That won't work. Show them how you walked it first. Then, help the walk their own.

You have the power to change lives. Use it often so they can change the world.

Last week, I wrote this post on using lateral thinking to grow people and organizations inspires by Shane Snow's book Smartcuts. I also told you a story to which the lateral thinking answer is: You give the car keys to the friend who's helped you out in the past and brave the rain with the woman (or man) of you dreams.

Hi! I'm Oskar.

I teach, write, speak, rant to make the world better.

BOOKS & TOOLS

Buy on Amazon

CONTACT ME

BLOG ARCHIVE:

Comment 0 Likes

categories / Learning, Parenting
tags / focus, productivity, teaching teens, parenting teens, brain, sharpness, clarity, brain rules, neuroscience