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How to Develop Good Habits. Part 2: Replace

July 26, 2018 / Oskar Cymerman

This is a follow up post to How to Develop Good Habits. Part 1: Understand.

In Part 1, I explained that to change bad habits, you must first identify the habits you want to change and the "opposite" habits that help you become more successful. The reason for this is simple - if you just tell yourself you'll change, you most often won't change. This is not because of the lack of desire but rather due to not knowing what actions to take so old habits go away and new ones stick.

The plan of action that has the highest chance of success involves replacing an old habit with a new one. This is the easiest (though it may still prove difficult) way to rewire your brain.

If you're a not-so-proud owner of a bad habit, the patterns and actions associated with this habit are wired into your brain. This means that whenever you "do" the habit the routine you follow is automated. Let me exemplify.

While I have been tobacco-free for more than a decade, I used to smoke one pack of cigarettes a day for 10 years. This is why I almost never ate breakfast in my twenties. I replaced it with "a coffee and a cigarette." I'd put the pot on to brew, put my contact lenses in, pour the coffee, head to the laundry room of the Chicago apartment my wife and I lived in at the time, and light up. Every. Single. Day.

I'd be lying if I told you I hated it.

No. I loved it! In fact, the memory is so well-encoded in my brain that I can imagine the taste of that first morning drag to this day. DOPAMINE.

The point is that my morning "coffee and cigarette" routine was so strongly wired into my brain, I was on autopilot. This may be akin to your morning commute to work. You no longer pay attention to the streets, but rather, your mind is elsewhere - listening to audio, in conversation etc.

I tried quitting smoking several times before I was finally successful. It didn't work. I did not know it then but I know now that it was because I tried to "will it" and did not create an effective plan to rewire my brain.

Rewiring Your Brain

If you're a little bit scared right now you should be. While lobotomy proved to impair patients' intellectual and emotional abilities and was eventually deemed less than effective or humane, we are not that far off from a time when scientists will be able to use technology to change your brain's neural networks. UCLA doctors are already seeing some success using magnetic waves to rewire brains of people with depression.

But fear not - the things you need to do to rewire habits do not involve surgeries or exposure to radiation.

What you need to do is come up with a plan for what to do when the old bad habit starts creeping back into your life.

I eventually quit smoking on April 1st, 2007 by playing guitar. A lot. My plan was simple: Every time I had a cigarette craving, I would pick up my guitar and play until I stopped thinking about smoking. And it worked!

There are three reasons for why it worked.

First, I did something with my hands instead of holding a cigarette. My present understanding of this is that doing this slowly rewired my brain's networks that associated my sense of touch and smoking. This was the physical aspect of the habit.

Second, playing guitar is an enjoyable activity for me. Just as I loved smoking, I loved playing guitar. It was easier to replace smoking with playing than it would have been to replace it with, say, mowing the lawn. My brain still received the dopamine reward it craved but it happened in a much healthier way.

Third, playing an instrument is a highly challenging cognitive activity. It requires focus, hand-eye coordination, rhythm, receiving feedback (listening), applying feedback (adjustment of hand positions etc.), constant processing of the song structure, and more. If I just settled on turning the TV on every time I got the urge to smoke I'd be smoking till this day (and likely watching too much TV while at it).

In a similar way, I replaced my online poker addiction with writing.

Thus, to change a bad habit, you need to replace it with a productive habit that is hopefully rewarding but definitely highly engaging. Then, you must do it repeatedly until your brain is rewired.

And don't believe anyone who tells you it will take two weeks, a month, or 21 days. These would-be-experts are in the business of assigning arbitrary numbers to the methods they fashion themselves. While research shows that developing new habits is tied to the frequency of exposure and the intensity of exposure, the time it takes to change habits greatly varies. The more you do it and the more engaged you are in it during each exposure, the faster you will rewire your brain for the new, more advantageous habit but it's impossible to know exactly how long it will take.

Identify and understand your bad habits first. Then, create a plan that helps you replace them with good habits.

This is how I explain it to the teens I teach. I openly discuss my past tobacco and poker addictions. I find being honest (and flawed) helps when working with adolescents. I encourage you to do the same with yours.

Check out Lesson 21 - Changing Your Habits I use with my students and include in my new book Crush School Student Guide: Learn Faster, Study Smarter, Remember More, and Make School Easier below.

The book contains 65 unique lessons such as setting academic goals, understanding and using the brain the way it evolved to learn, completing projects, studying for tests, improving reading speed and memory etc.

I will share the full Table of Contents with you on Sunday The book becomes available on Amazon tomorrow. You can preorder it here.

You can download the 2 Habits Lessons to use with your teens FREE here.

Thank you,

Oskar

You have the power to change lives. Use it often so they can change the world.

Sources:

UCLA doctors use magnetic stimulation to ‘rewire’ the brain for people with depression. http://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/tms-depression-ucla

How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. http://repositorio.ispa.pt/bitstream/10400.12/3364/1/IJSP_998-1009.pdf

This column will change your life: How long does it really take to change a habit? https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/10/change-your-life-habit-28-day-rule

Hi! I'm Oskar.

I teach, write, speak, rant to make learning better.

BOOKS & TOOLS

Buy on Amazon

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categories / Learning
tags / teaching teens, parenting teens, deeper learning, independence, lifelong learning, simplicity, skills, success skills, learning, making life easier, kids

How to Make Learning and Life Easier for Your Kids

July 23, 2018 / Oskar Cymerman

Adam: Daddy! Daddy! Did you know I can count to infinity?

Me: Really? That's great honey!

Adam: Yes daddy. Do you want me to do it now?

Me: Of course!

Adam: One, two, three, four.... one hundred, one hundred one, one hundred two.... one hundred nine, a million, a million one, a million two.... a million nine, infinity!

According to my 4-and-a-half-year-old son, 1 million comes after 109, and infinity comes after 1,000,009 and I love it! I remember trying to explain the concept of infinity to him in the past. He would not hear it and why should he? At this point in his young life it's more important for him to be and remain curious and keep trying new things.

I love the fact that he loves counting. I love seeing him use his little fingers to add seven and two. I love that he keeps asking questions. The more he asks, the more thoughtful and surprising the questions are to my wife and I. I try to remind myself of this whenever I feel annoyed my thoughts are interrupted with a relentless string of questions.

Mostly, we do okay. My wife and I try to expose Adam to as many things as possible. We play games such as Uno, Candy Land, and Monopoly. He asks to be asked to add simple numbers as he eats, and we oblige. We play soccer or frisbee or Duck, Duck, Grey Duck (a Minnesota version of the classic). We practice writing letters, completing mazes, and other preschool activities. We go swimming and play in the sand. Last Saturday, he experienced a fireworks display for the first time.

When Adam starts something - he's all in all the time. He is inquisitive, smart, and full of energy. My wife and I do many things to give him a "good start." We want him to succeed, but I think most of all, we don't want him to struggle.

Of course we don't know what the future holds. It's hard to predict what the job market will look like in 15 to 20 years when he's ready to enter it. For now, we have one more year left to decide on where he goes to school.

The process has already started. He had to go and do an assessment. They said he did well. I guess that means he'll be ready for school when the time comes. But what does "ready for school" mean exactly? And, more importantly, how does being "ready for school" and then being successful at school affect being ready for future life?

Will my son's school education be sufficient for him to be successful as as an adult so he does not struggle to find work and live a good life?

Schools Leave Kids Unprepared

A 2013 survey of found that US teens rank 36th in the world in reading, math, and science. The exam given to 15-year-olds from all over the world found US teens doing average in science and reading and well below average in math. Arne Duncan, the former Secretary of Education summarized these problematic results as evidence that US students are not making progress while others are advancing. He cited complacency and low expectations as the main reasons for this alarming trend present in the US schools.

Knowing such statistics about the school system my son will soon enter I wonder: What can I do to help prepare him better for the future?

The 2017 edition of the ACT's annual national report The Condition of College & Career Readiness shows that only 39% of high school graduates are "ready for college coursework in three or four subject areas" (english, reading, math, and science) measured by the ACT college entrance exam. The "science teacher me" and the "parent me" has no choice but to translate this report to "unless the US school system changes drastically before my son enters it, there's a 61% chance he will not be ready for college."

These odds make me uneasy to say the least. I don't want my son to be successful in elementary, middle, and high school just to enter college unprepared and end up struggling! However, it is clear to me that most US schools fail at preparing kids for college and career.

A 2012 U.S. News article reports 60 percent of the 1.7 million high school students who took the ACT were "not prepared for college, career." Students six years ago were just as unprepared as one year ago. This points to a trend that despite the changes such as the implementation of the Common Core Standards, US education is standing still and continues to fail at preparing most of its students to be successful beyond high school.

The problem is that most parents have no choice but to put their kids' education and their own hopes in the hands of the school system. The same is the case for my wife and I. Adam is going to a public school in the fall of 2019. We can't afford to home school him or move to Finland. Plus, we like it here.

So what do we do?

Whatever. It. Takes.

This is what Finland did. The Finnish government values teachers and puts them on equal footing with doctors and lawyers. In 2010, there were 6,600 applicants for the 660 teaching positions available in Finland. Simply put, Finland has the best teachers because it is a highly rewarding profession that attracts highly talented individuals and every teacher is required to have a master's degree.

In contrast, 50% of US teachers quit within the first 5 years. And while most US teachers I've encountered are dedicated, the fact that the profession is notoriously undervalued and its teachers grossly underpaid makes it unreasonable for me to expect the level of experience, talent, and results that I would if my family resided in Finland.

The US educational system is not changing anytime soon. But we, the parents can change. We can realize that schooling alone is no longer enough to prepare our children for college and career and do whatever it takes ourselves.

Simplicity and Sensibility

There's a reason why Finnish kids have little homework - most deep learning happens in class. Instead of splitting focus across multiple topics and learning superficially, students are allowed to dive deep and experiment to learn more about one topic. This leads to "true" learning: understanding, application, and retention of what is being studied. Perhaps this is why the Fins crush the international standardized tests. They are taught how to learn and think about problems deeply not to just skim the surface at school.

As a parent, how can you provide those experiences for your kids knowing the schools they attend focus on testing what they memorized and not what they understand or how they can use it?

Lifelong Learning

"No big fuss. This is what we do every day, prepare kids for life,” says Kari Louhivuori, the principal of the Kirkkojarvi Comprehensive School in Espoo, Finland when thanked by a former student who's now an owner of a car repair firm and a cleaning company. The Finnish student spends less time in the classroom than his American counterpart but leaves with more life skills and a love of learning.

As a parent, how can you provide your children with the experiences that help them learn transferable skills they can apply in many professions and how can you cultivate the love of learning knowing the schools they attend focus on grades not on lifelong learning?

Independence

Imagine the youngest elementary students walking the school hallways without adult guidance, serving themselves hot food at lunch, and leaving the building on their own. Does it remind you of any school you attended? How about open-ended projects in the classroom? How often were you allowed to pursue learning what you wanted and not what the teacher said you had to learn?

Teachers do this sort of thing in Finland and it seems to develop creativity and critical thinking skills. They don't spend time testing or "teaching to the test." Rather, they guide students in developing independence and skills they will need in work and life.

As a parent, what can you do to help your students practice creativity and critical thinking which are skills that are highly sought after by employers but rarely needed in American schools that standardize curricula and tests which forces compliance?

Making Learning and Life Easier for Kids

The good news is that making learning and life easier for our kids is not all that difficult.

There are things anyone can do to become more creative.

Critical thinking is a skill that is learned best when an individual is asked to solve a problem she cares about.

Communication can be taught explicitly and furthered by asking a child to describe, explain, and present what he learned to peers.

Love of learning and lifelong learning can be fostered by teaching kids how to learn efficiently and showing them how to apply effective learning principles when learning about the things they care about and schools require.

There are resources online you can use - media kids enjoy - such as videos, graphics, audio, and short readings. I recommend TED Talks and TED Ed especially as they are created to be engaging.

After reading my recent article for the Entrepreneur my wife asked me: Will you teach Adam all the things you write about in your books and your blogs?

I will do Whatever It Takes because I love him and I don't want him to struggle figuring it all out by himself. This is why I do what I do and write what I write.

This is why I wrote Crush School Student Guide: Learn Faster, Study Smarter, Remember More, and Make School Easier, which is my newest book. And while it says "Crush School" it's about skills needed to succeed in more than just school. It contains 65 skill-building lessons and 3 projects that promote faster learning, deeper understanding, and long-term application of information. You can get it here.

I promise you that it will make a huge difference in the way your child approaches learning and school. But whether you decide to buy a copy or not promise yourself to go beyond school in ensuring your children's success. There are many ways to do that. My book is just one of them.

Check out this FREE sample lesson on Mastering Difficult Concepts to get an idea for how the book is structured.

You have the power to change lives. Use it often so they can change the world.

Resources:

Coleman, Megan. "New survey ranks U.S. students 36th in the world - How do we improve?."

Sheehy, Kelsey. "High School Students Not Prepared for College, Career."

The Condition of College & Career Readiness 2017. ACT.

Why Are Finland’s Schools Successful? Smithsonian.

The Simple Strength of Finnish Education. This is Finland.

Hi! I'm Oskar.

I teach, write, speak, rant to make learning better.

BOOKS & TOOLS

Buy on Amazon

Comment 0 Likes

categories / Learning, Parenting
tags / teaching teens, parenting teens, deeper learning, independence, lifelong learning, simplicity, skills, success skills, learning, making life easier, kids

How to Achieve Competence and Create Confidence

July 20, 2018 / Oskar Cymerman

The following is a Letter to All Teens and Their Parents.

“Competence Creates Confidence”

I heard that somewhere and it got me thinking...

What is Competence exactly? How do you get it?

Think about something you are good at, maybe really good at. Maybe it’s a sport like soccer or basketball. Maybe it’s painting, sculpture, or another art form. Maybe you’re good at fixing stuff or cooking or gaming or have some other skill you feel competent in. How do you feel when you do stuff that requires you to use this skill?

Chances are whatever your mind conjured was positive. You feel good to do stuff you’re good at because you experience success in it. This motivates you to keep going. You keep doing it and as a result you keep getting better at it. You keep getting better because once you feel competent you have the confidence to try new things. You try new ways; new techniques and strategies. Some don’t help much but some lead to small improvements. Over time, this series of small improvements adds up to a big improvement which you likely don’t even notice because you enjoy doing this thing you’re good at so much.

Imagine school being this way. You might already be a good student but how would you feel knowing that no matter what subject you have to take you can crush it? How would you feel to have the confidence that you can understand difficult concepts, learn them fast, and actually remember them months later when it’s final exam time?

You see, there are 2 types of people in this world - those who fear change and let their anxieties paralyze them to keep them stuck and those who fear change but decide to face their anxieties and grow as individuals. The first type stays comfortable but average (or less than) while the second type of people succeeds at school, work, and life. The good news is that everyone has the potential to be successful.

No matter how good or ugly your school competence is you can get much better at school. And don’t worry - you won’t have to drink the weird Kool Aid to get there. All you have to do is follow the same process that took you to the level of competence and confidence you have in the other skills you’re good at. Except this time it won’t be trial-and-error. You will have small, easy, and specific strategies at your disposal.

You already have the “school skill.” It’s far from perfect but it’s a skill and as such it can be improved. The only way to improve it is to change how you approach school - learn and apply new learning techniques and study strategies - things that help you do school smarter, faster, and better.

You see, after overcoming the initial anxiety of trying something new you will realize that it’s the new experiences and new learning that lead to an upward spiral of success. As you get more comfortable doing things outside of your comfort zone, you end up learning even more, being more competent, and feeling much more confident. This is a result of the “happy” brain chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin your brain produces when you experience positive feelings such as joy, confidence, or feeling successful.

Once you accept and understand that fear-induced stress chemicals like cortisol and adrenaline are normal brain reactions to all things unknown, you will lessen their effect on your decision-making. They will no longer prevent you from venturing into the unknown. It will become easier to start making small changes to how you do school and other life things. Each small change will bring more competence and more confidence and reduce stress while increasing the happy chemicals. Keep at it and you will become more than a great student - you will turn into a learning machine - someone who learns and applies new things to make their life better every day.

So, you’ve reached a decision intersection. You can go straight, left, or turn right. Here’s what awaits you:

Straight: Do nothing. Keep complaining. Stay as you are. Complain some more.
Left: Try to change. Study more. Grind it out. Do somewhat better at school.
Right: Learn and apply skills that help you learn faster, study smarter, and remember more. Improve your learning skills in small, easy steps that make you a much better student and school much easier.

Decision Intersection: Which decision involves the most progress?

The Right decision involves Change, which involves Uncertainty, which involves Facing Your Fears. But, it helps you Achieve Competence which Creates Confidence.

But you already know that. It's time to choose who you want to be.

Good luck to you no matter what you decide.

And to Your Parents:

Being a dad I know how you feel about your children's success. If you're a bit like me you don't want to leave their success up to luck or school alone. This is why I wrote my new book Crush School Student Guide: Learn Faster, Study Smarter, Remember More, and Make School Easier, which is a workbook that contains a series of short, fun, and easy to follow lessons designed to incrementally turn a mediocre or good student into an advanced learner ready to crush the challenges of high school, college, and the world of work.

It is now 33% off regular price on Amazon. Just click here.

You have the power to change lives. Use it often so they can change the world.

Oskar